Did your labour go according to plan?!

Having had three children myself, and from talking to mums who come in the shop, I find myself a little bemused by the term 'birth plan'.

I decided whilst pregnant with my first that there was no point in trying to plan for something that could happen at any moment within a 5 week window and that was a complete unknown to me. I had no idea how I would feel, how it would happen, when it would happen and how it might progress. To try to 'plan' it felt like trying to control it. I felt instinctively if I tried to control it I was setting myself up to fail. I did not want to kid myself that I had any say about when or how our baby might decide to appear.

Three labours later, I realise that although there are elements of a labour and birth story we cannot control or plan, there are also elements that can be discussed and prepared for, which can make the whole process more relaxing (relaxing is good!) and dare I say enjoyable?!

So although you may be feeling frustrated that you cannot decide when your baby might put in an appearance, you have no idea how you will manage the pain and your labour may last an hour or several days, you can discuss with your partner (and write down if you feel it is necessary) a number of preferences and options that you feel strongly about.

For example, you obviously need to discuss where you would like to have your baby. Hospital is not the only option! Home birth is becoming more popular all the time and some areas have specialist birth centres. Talk to your midwife as early as possible to give yourselves time to discuss your options.

Explore hypno-birthing, homeopathy, massage, yoga, acupuncture and any other areas you are interested in . Some of these elements have huge benefits during pregnancy as well as labour and can be used to relive an array of symptoms as well as helping you to relax (remember, relaxing is good!)

Discuss with your partner what sort of labour you would prefer. Do you want to stay mobile as long as possible? Be in water if possible? Use a birth ball? Turn off bright lights? Music? Think about what helps you relax and what you might find comforting, this will help the time pass in a more relaxed manner.

The element at the forefront of most women's minds is pain relief. I think this is tough and I see no point in make absolute rules as the pain is such an unknown. But do discuss with your birth partner the pain relief path you would ideally like to take and make sure he or she is clear on your preferences so that if necessary you have someone to speak for you! Do your research and if you have any absolutes, make sure everyone involved in your care is aware.

Finally think about the moments after the baby is born and talk to your midwife about their 'protocol' so that if you wish to deviate from it, everyone is aware of your choices. Does your partner want to cut the umbilical cord or would you like it to be left as long as possible? Do you want to try to deliver your placenta naturally or are you happy to have the 'routine' injection to speed this up? Do you want to keep your placenta? Have you considered stem cell storage?

This is not an exhaustive list of everything you will want to discuss whilst pregnant but it does point out some of the variables I wish we had been made aware of or given more thought to. I think the term 'birth plan' is a misnomer. It is not possible to plan for such a unique event. However, that does not mean that it cannot be how you want it to be. With some careful thought and consideration, you can have the birth you would like.